Melissa K. Ochoa When Saint Peter saw the woman making cakes, he asked her for one of her large store of cakes. I know the people who ask them mean well, and are wonderful people, and I love them. A total of 12 women recounted being asked whether they were having periods, usually by men. You don't see … But sometimes, we wish that we could sit a guy down (not even our own boyfriend, just any guy) and ask him some super tough questions. 5. Posted in Gentlemen 6 May 14. Despite that, I’ve found that sexism remains a daunting problem for young adults. Atleast try hve fear of God. One big problem with asking about periods has to do with the underlying assumptions behind that question. SKIP. Whether it comes from a well-meaning friend or a judgy frenemy or a die-hard vegan, it's always an irritating question, in all of its varieties. For the most part, asking each other questions is encouraged. "Do you think I'm fat?" And so if we're not all that tired (maybe we just skipped the mascara this morning), we're left thinking: What's wrong with my face? The reality is there are stupid questions that lower people’s impression of you when you ask them. Then remember you don't have to be a condescending asshat today. Maybe you see a visibly pregnant woman pushing a grocery cart with three small kids trailing behind and you decide to be cute or witty with your little zinger. Those are more likely to be annoying questions. I asked the participants, who were between 18-21 years old, to write down anything they perceived, witnessed, experienced or observed to be examples of sexism for six weeks. One student I’ll call “Stephanie” to protect her privacy described what happened while she was studying with other students. Bigger person, and all that. For most of history, women in many cultures were denied equal access to public spaces and career opportunities for one reason: having a uterus. We "should" let things roll off our backs, even the questions we hear over and over and over. 4. What she hears: "Wanna have an uncomfortable argument?". … How old are you? Nothing invalidates a woman's feelings like this clever question — as if our bodies are momentarily snatched by blood-leaking zombies who strictly operate to their hormonal coding. But the notion that women are not as competent and capable as men in math, engineering and other male-dominated fields persists. And while we’re sure you probably didn’t mean to elicit that strong of a reaction, you can probably recall a few cringe-worthy memories when some flippant remark made your girl (or a complete stranger) fly off the handle. This is an easy way to ruin your friendships and your relationship at the same time. But you could also ask better, less annoying questions. But here's the thing: That approach might work in high school... but when you've met someone special you need to show her you care by getting to know her on a personal level. (said to a stay-at-home mom. But now, you have a new problem - What to ask a girl? We either end up listing our sacrifices and shortcomings in some kind of uncomfortable rebuttal or we laugh it off, internally remembering all of the ways we're falling short. We call this level three because if you are looking for flirty questions to ask a woman over text it means that you already have her number. Upon hearing “I’m fine, just tired,” he mouthed, “Are you on your period?” while nodding in an understanding, sympathetic way. Avoid these twenty queries at all costs and you'll be well on your way to scoring a repeat meet-up. Here are some ways people ask questions … Commonly held sexist beliefs blame women’s lower status on biological differences between genders. If he says he would never be interested in any of them, he’s probably lying, and if he starts name dropping, you’ll second guess him every time they’re in the same room together. Copyright © 2010–2021, The Conversation US, Inc. When thinking of questions to ask a guy what comes to mind? If you need a little extra help (or just some luck) with the ladies, you should use personal questions to ask a girl. 1. Unlike what happened when men asked this question, however, they immediately objected, saying it was sexist. WhatsApp. 6. In my view, this prejudice hinders women on many career paths, including politics and the law, contributing to the gap between what women and men earn for comparable work. But as a guy, I can tell you that when we hear this question it … The man and the woman enter the room separately, but only one of them enters to a musical serenade. Now, don’t spoil it… Be kind and genuine, be open to her questions as … 14 awkward questions you should avoid asking your guy. "Wowza, is it that time of the month? Universal Pictures/Knocked Up . Can I … (And what are you expecting in return? — you want to pick a better question? Are you really looking for a daily play-by-play, or maybe — MAYBE! But there's one way to make sure that never happens: Asking the wrong questions on date number one. Another man speaks to each of them for a few minutes when the two get together in the room. I’m going to do one better, and give you not only questions to NOT ask but them specific explanation behind why you shouldn’t ask them. Why don't we have another kid yet? Author. Football! But before you say it, think. 3. Love and romance and relationships are definitely not something that we're going to give up on anytime soon. A run down of her daily stay-at-home-mom duties? Answer: Saint Peter, while preaching round the world, reached the woman’s door. ", What she hears: "Your emotions and thoughts hold less weight because, ya know, periods and all.". Researcher of Sociology, Texas A&M University. ( Coz we are always busy in some and other things?) 5. I just had a question … It's small talk. I spent three years conducting a study involving roughly 185 college students attending two large universities in different parts of the country. These incidents can happen anywhere. Share 102K. 2. If any of this information was of value to you in her mind, she would have told you upfront. It's not just one question man should never ask ,their is plenty more: What is your age? Pin 45. What she hears: "You do do it all, don't you? I found an example involving this question in the workplace, and I also personally experienced it while working as an IT recruiter several years ago when my boss once asked if I was feeling OK. It's rooted in whatever is happening in that moment, rather than randomly spewed from a grabbag of generic conversation starters. 4. If you're looking for a basic idea of what these irritating questions might be, read on: What she hears: "Damn, you look terrible.". Two of the women in my study noted that other women asked them that same question. What she hears: "Are you growing a human or just getting hefty around the middle? Therefore, unless you actually believe in women’s inferiority and want to imply that you don’t think women and girls can act rationally, never ever ask them at any point in time, “Are you on your period?”. Throughout time and in most cultures, labeling women as “hysterical” continued to suggest that women’s competence, or lack thereof, remained anchored to their reproductive organs. Isn't Lupita N'yongo like, the most BEAUTIFUL black woman ever? Men despise this question. You can't do that.". In fact, any question circling around our age deserves a big fat PASS. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Matt, the only man present, asked her if she was on her period. In other words, it raises their defenses, which is never helpful for gathering information. 2. And since men don’t have periods – with rare exceptions – they seemed to be more rational and reliable. 3. He had been travelling the whole day and was tired and hungry. Melissa K. Ochoa, Texas A&M University. ... 35 Questions You Should Never Ask a Girl. Question 7. Who came to the woman’s house and what did he ask for? The majority were women, and two-thirds were white. There are a couple of questions that we ask innocently enough, but from a man’s point of view, they’re quite uncomfortable to answer. You are being cranky; Are you on your period? Texas A&M University provides funding as a founding partner of The Conversation US. Sure they "shouldn't" irritate us; they're just words. But some part are too bad. MIND YO' BUSINESS AROUND MY FOOD. We need to have a girl (or a boy, if we already have girls at home), we need to freeze our eggs, we need to find a husband, we need to start that business ... WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? If you're old enough to read these words, there’s a 99.9% chance you’ve said something to piss off a woman. Third question is normally asking for a date, but honestly the girls have asked me out on the second question before I get a chance. I’m still analyzing this data, which I collected for my dissertation and will use for multiple projects that are still underway. Send me your photos; Where are you now? Female participants recounted many experiences, including being catcalled as well as being given secretarial positions in STEM group projects because their male group members didn’t believe they were smart. "No, I'm not sure how I managed to get knocked up again, please, please, give me the answer!") "Aren't you a little young/old for that? 10 REALLY Irritating Questions To Never Ask A Woman (Like, Ever), 20 Celebrities You Didn't Know Married Each Other. Whether it's our family size, fertility decisions, career goals, or marital situations, we don't need to justify or explain our personal choices — and we sure as hell don't need to be pressured into them. I'm with you on all that, but you're missing one glaring problem: Your questions suck. A list of words and phrases that turn women on, the second you use them. What is your net worth? IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE WEARING? Whether you are meeting men online or in the real world, flirting is the best way … Now I know what you're thinking: you don't mean to be irritating. With these questions to ask in mind, you can navigate any social situation with ease. ", 20 Celebrities You Didn't Know Married Each OtherClick to view (20 images)Kim HaysAuthor Read Later, Dear Grown-Ass Women: Let's Stop Being So Damn MEAN To Each Other, 10 Ways To Be An Amazing Friend When Your BFF Has A New Baby, 14 Brutal Truths About Dating a Scorpio (As Written By a Scorpio). Female reproductive organs supposedly rendered women too “hysterical” – an English term derived from the Greek word “hysterika,” meaning uterus – to rule, learn or give any sort of valuable input. You're standing in front of a woman — maybe she's a relative, or a new acquaintance, or a perfect stranger — and you're about to ask her a question. 6. But I have to warn you – These are only 17 “Innocent” Words out of Research suggests that millennials and members of Generation Z – Americans born between 1995 and 2015 – are more accepting of people regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity than earlier generations. The same person who might want to find out if there’s a legitimate reason for their male colleague to become angry, frustrated or agitated might ascribe those same reactions in a woman to menstruation. 21 Questions to Ask a Girl ― So, you have liked her for a long time, and finally, she agreed to go out with you. Here are 15 brutal questions women would love to get the answer to when it comes to men. The fascinating thing about being a woman is realizing that there's a very small 3- to 4-year window where a woman isn't "too young" or "too old" — a brief period between "slow down!" And just to satisfy my curiosity, I clicked on the link to find out what it was. Ignore us. Can you narrow your focus, just a smidge? This double standard rests on assumptions of female biological inferiority and reinforces a prejudice stretching back to ancient times. After they get back to me on the wine question I ask them to get a glass, it has a 100% close rate. There is no good answer, so just don’t ask the question. Why aren't we married? © 2021 by Tango Media Corporation All Rights Reserved. Avoid these twenty queries at all costs and you'll be … You don't see us asking Sephora employees for help with that "exhaustion" eye makeup trend. “Anytime a woman is slightly in a bad mood, it’s always because we’re on our period,” said “Ashley” sarcastically, adding, “All other times we should be in the best mood, always smiling, and happy.”. Never, under any circumstance, ask this question without accepting that you might hear this dreaded response: "I'm not. … How much prettier she is than you. 1. Here's how you'll know the difference: A good question is thoughtful, interesting, engaging. I got an ad for this while on YouTube, that kept putting this 4 word question on a pedestal and why it should NEVER be uttered by any woman. ... 50 Inspirational Quotes for Women. There’s one four word question that you must NEVER ask a man if you want him to be your boyfriend or your husband… Do you know what the question is? 2. So why bother starting it? As if the blood is coming directly from our brains, and can't ... form ... rational ... sentences. I’m a sociologist who researches the perils women experience on a daily basis simply for existing. They recalled being equally offended. What she hears: "Damn, you look terrible." ", Listen to me carefully. Will you be the one for me? Are you ever around women who seem frustrated, upset or irritated? No one aspires to look tired. Jamal told the two other women present that it was “probably because she was about to start her period cycle.”. Empty, boring, unoriginal. Generally we're buying makeup to cover up the fact our eyes are sunken into purplish puffs, and our skin is dull and parched. Realistically, there is a ton of information on the right questions to ask a guy, but how about questions not to ask? What she hears: The noisy static of judgment. One of the texts you should never send to a woman is a text questioning her actions and whereabouts. Write an article and join a growing community of more than 121,200 academics and researchers from 3,906 institutions. A hushed admission that yes, just as you suspected, she secretly does nothing all day long — you got her! It is a golden rule NEVER ask a woman’s age, whether you like it or not. It also evokes the same unscientific beliefs that have always held women back. Are you free today? The Sexiest 3 Words a Man Can Say to a Woman ... We live in an age when women are empowered to care for themselves like never before. For me question one is about food, question two is about wine.